I think that your story is well written, short and impactful. I could vividly imagine the scenes that you had described.

One suggestion I would give you is — Try to add humor to your content. It was a story and us, readers tend to get wavered if our attention is not kept intact. Add a little bit of humor and your story will surely go a long way!

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Self-Improvement blogger. Motivational speaker. Technology Enthusiast.

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